Sunday, August 22, 2010
I'm pretty tired emotionally but not too tired to continue to praise God. He sustains me and I am so grateful. It was wonderful to be at church again this morning and to worship with the body of Christ.
Thank you to all came to Hope's service. And to all of you who wanted to come but couldn't, thanks for the support. Again, God had His way and the service was perfect. Everything said by our dear pastor friend, John Crawford, seemed like it flowed straight from our hearts. Sweet Sara Osborne shared a beautiful promise found in Lamentations 3:21-24- This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him. Our kind friend Derek Dighton put hours into making a priceless video of our time with baby Hope. We have definitely used up all our favors for a long time! :) Our music pastor Bill Shiflett helped Josh and I record a song that we used during the video. The words were exactly what we felt in our hearts. Here are the lyrics: Joy Will Come by John Egan and Mia Fieldes
Riding on the wings of the dawn
Joy will come after mourning
As surely as You are God
Joy will come believe
Joy will come joy will come
Joy will come like the harvest
Reaping for tears that we sow
Joy will run to the farthest place
Surely as You are God
Joy will come joy will come
What is this hope I feel
What is this peace beyond
You fix the broken heart
There's healing in Your wings
What is this whisper small
So far above it all
You're still the sovereign Lord
There's healing in Your wings
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Give me grace to see beyond this moment here. To believe that there is nothing left to fear. That You alone are high above it all. For You my God are greater still.
And there is nothing that can ever separate us. There is nothing that can ever separate us from Your love. No life, no death, of this I am convinced. You my God are greater still.
Baby Hope passed away last night. It's so strange to not have her here. I miss her so much!
Most of Friday and all of Saturday I noticed that Hope wasn't waking up much. She was so tired and even when it was time to feed her, I couldn't get her to awaken enough to eat much. I tried to chalk it up to newborn stuff or a growth spurt but inside I knew this wasn't good. I picked her up just a little after 11pm to try to feed her another bottle. We cuddled a bit, then I noticed she wasn't breathing anymore. She never struggled, she just gradually stopped breathing. My heart broke instantly and is breaking now even as I write this. Josh and I both started crying immediately and we both knew she was gone. So hard to go through something like that but I want to tell you the most amazing part. God has walked with us through every single step and emotion from the very beginning. I had some fears in my head about what it might be like when and if she passed away but had never really voiced them. God knew. He took care of all the details. Taylor and Macy were asleep in bed and that was my biggest fear was that they would be there when Hope passed away. God knew. I was also scared that she would be in pain or struggle to breathe. She wasn't in pain and didn't struggle! God knew. :) How great is He? SO GREAT!
It was a long, rough night working through a flood of emotions. Major sadness, then a wave a gratefulness for the two weeks we had with her. Ups and downs all night long. I finally was able to sleep and when I woke up had an overwhelming sense of peace. The peace that passes understanding. Seriously, I have had more than my share of that amazing peace in my lifetime so far. I am soooo thankful for that. I woke up with a smile knowing that God's will and plan for Hope had been accomplished. She has touched more lives than we'll ever know. And I can't even begin to describe the way God used her in our own lives to grow our faith and stretch us to new levels with Him. To God be the glory for His great works. He is worthy of His glory!
I love baby Hope so much. The sense of loss is so deep but it is paralleled with so much joy for the time we had with her. Three hours turned into two weeks. Praise God! His love for us has been so evident over these past few months. He has shown us in so many ways including all the love and support showered on us by everyone. Please know that we are grateful!
A celebration of Hope's life will be held at Lenexa Baptist Church on Wed., Aug. 18th, 2010 at 11:00am.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Thank you Marsha, from the bottom of my heart. I'll never forget how much you've given me with this time we've had together! I love you.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
After that I was able to walk around and get my labor going. A little while later the contractions started coming good and strong. Finally, I crawled into bed to curl up and get through the last and worst part of the labor. Just because I was curled up in bed, don't get the impression that I was quiet and calm. haha, no I was a noisy laborer to put it lightly! :)
Baby Hope was born at 12:24pm after two pushes. Hallelujah! She didn't cry. They wrapped her up and gave her to me. I looked at her and then she opened her eyes and looked at me! I will NEVER forget that moment.
The title "Everyday Miracles" refers to something very vivid that I have learned this week. Yes, I believe the time we have had with Hope has been a miracle but... it has opened my eyes to recognize the everyday miracles we overlook or just take for granted. Every single new life is a miracle and every breath given to us is too. Hope is a daily reminder of God's miraculous works. Take time to look around you and see God's everyday miracles around you. Let Hope be a reminder of how great our awesome God is!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I do have quite a bit of excess amniotic fluid. I was almost sure I did before I even went in for the sonogram... and if you've seen me and my belly lately it's not hard to see why haha! My belly is HUGE and it sticks straight out in front of me. It's hard as a rock most of the time. It's definitely making it much tougher to get around and to pick up after two toddlers (and a husband). ;) With extra fluid there comes the risk of early labor. That combined with the contractions I have here and there and the Thanatophoric Dysplasia, I think Baby Hope is coming sooner than we think!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Then, we took a trip to Texas for my older brother's wedding. Such a wonderful time with my family! The wedding was beautiful and laid back. So happy for the newlyweds. Taylor and Macy participated as the ring bearer and flower girl. They did great!!
Staying busy has been good as it keeps things normal for us. I am now 31 weeks and growing soooo big! At least that's how I feel. :) This month I've had contractions on a few occasions. Usually after some activity like taking a walk with the kids or grocery shopping. Nothing consistent or anything to worry about but certainly a reminder that I need to pay attention to what's going on! Baby Hope is active as ever. We have our next sonogram on Friday and I cannot wait to see her again!
I am always so encouraged when people take the time to tell me that they are praying for us. One of the things God has been teaching me recently is how to pray. It is so important that we pray according to His will and not our own. We're praying for healing for Hope... not knowing God's will. This is where our unconditional trust comes in! His will, regardless if it includes healing or not, is perfect. God has been giving me reminders often of His love for me. It's been in the little things and the big things. :)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
On a sadder note, I am reminded today about how precious life is and once again reminded that we are not promised tomorrow. A friend, mom, wife and inspiration passed away last night at the age of 31. Kelly Weber was a dear, SWEET friend who is now no longer in pain but with our Heavenly Father. I praise God that He is in control and pray for the family left here on earth- our temporary home.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Josh and I had a refreshing time in Birmingham this past weekend. We attended The Church at Brook Hills and were blessed to sit under some incredible teaching from one of our favorite pastors, David Platt. I just love how God works things out! Sunday morning the sermon was on the Psalm 23 passage, The Shepherd Who Satisfies. It was a sermon Dr. David Platt had prepared especially for those going through hard times or who are hurting. HELLO!! :) All I can say is that it was perfect. God planned for us to be there and the words spoken were meaningful, accurate and a salve to my heart. If you have some time, I would really encourage you to listen to the message we heard.
Taylor and Macy are talking about Baby Hope more and more these days. Macy calls her "Hote". :) And Taylor has been asking me quite frequently if the baby is ok. He is so caring! They love the picture we got of her today...
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
March 29, 2010- We scheduled a sonogram when I was 18 weeks. I was so excited to find out if we were adding another girl or another boy to our family. SERIOUSLY... it was better than Christmas, I was just giddy with excitement. Josh, Taylor and Macy and I all got comfy in the scan room. Then there it was, the beautiful sound of our baby's heartbeat! There on the screen we saw our gift from God. The sonographer asked Taylor if he saw the baby on the screen that was in mommy's tummy? He said "hmmm... yeah, well I have popcorn in my tummy". So Funny! She could sense my excitement about finding out if we're having a boy or girl so she said "ok, are you ready?". I said YES! She typed out something on her keyboard and told us to look at the screen and then the words popped up... "I'm a girl". :) A GIRL! I loved knowing that.Then she began to measure everything and chart it all. After a little while she spoke softly to me and said that she was concerned with how the baby's femur was measuring. She told us that the limbs were measuring 4 weeks behind, which might indicate a form of dwarfism. I was emotional and somewhat shocked. Never had it crossed my mind that something like this might come up. I just don't think that way. Instantly though like a wave, God gave me peace. It was going to be alright no matter the outcome. My Dr. scheduled us an appointment for a Level 2 sonogram with a specialist. She warned me before we went that it's their job to give the facts and that they're very "doom and gloom". Even with that warning my heart wasn't prepared to hear the Dr. tell us that according to what he saw it looked like our baby has one of four conditions, two are considered to be fatal. WHAT?! Again because I don't think like that, I was shocked. It hadn't entered my mind that she might not live. Josh and I had about a week before this to process and be content with the challenge of possibly having a child with dwarfism. But now they were telling me she doesn't have a good chance of surviving. Somehow I still had God's peace. My mind was spinning but when you've experienced the "peace that passes understanding", it takes over. The Dr. told us we would have the option for termination. Again WHAT?!! We had just seen our active, whole baby girl on the screen and he asks us that?? Josh calmly told him that it would never be option for us and we would not even consider it and we were seeing this all the way through. Thank you God for a husband who gets it and YOU!
The next step was to decide if wanted to do the amniocentesis or not to better help determine what our baby's diagnosis was. After praying and talking to each other about it for a few days, I talked to my Dr. and talked to a nurse friend. We decided it was something we wanted to do. If there is even a small chance that she has something less severe and we can help her in any way... we want to be able to do that. The test was done last week and now we are awaiting the results.
I want to share with you what God has taught us so far and what He has done in my heart. First of all God is sovereign! He is in control. His plan is ALWAYS the best and better than we could imagine for ourselves. Even though we can't see the outcome, we know He is going to use this for good. And He already has! Our baby's days were numbered by God before He gave her life. I TRUST HIM COMPLETELY! Our goal in all of this now, is to step by step through this journey, to give our awesome God the glory. We pray that God sees our hearts and knows our desire to glorify Him.
Hope Isabella Reasons