Thursday, April 22, 2010

the beginning of the journey

I'm not really sure how to start this blog. :) It's my first! I've been wanting to start one up for a while now but like with alot of things I put it off. This isn't just going to be a blog though, I want this to be an inspiration, a treasure and one day a fond memory. This blog is dedicated to my sweet baby girl, Hope Isabella. I wanted to write about her and about our family as we grow and learn and love through this journey.

Dec 28th, 2009- I had this feeling I was pregnant. We were heading to Branson in a couple of days and I wanted to find out if I was before we went so that I could share it with all of Josh's family at the same time while we were there for New Year's. :) I took a test and I was overjoyed to see that it was positive!! Thank you God for the blessing of another baby!

It was so much fun to tell family and friends the wonderful news of another addition to the Reasons family. I had a sonogram right away since we weren't sure of gestation and wanted to nail down a due date. I got to see the little "bubble" in my womb that was my precious baby being formed by God. He knew His plan for her life before He formed her!

Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

March 29, 2010- We scheduled a sonogram when I was 18 weeks. I was so excited to find out if we were adding another girl or another boy to our family. SERIOUSLY... it was better than Christmas, I was just giddy with excitement. Josh, Taylor and Macy and I all got comfy in the scan room. Then there it was, the beautiful sound of our baby's heartbeat! There on the screen we saw our gift from God. The sonographer asked Taylor if he saw the baby on the screen that was in mommy's tummy? He said "hmmm... yeah, well I have popcorn in my tummy". So Funny! She could sense my excitement about finding out if we're having a boy or girl so she said "ok, are you ready?". I said YES! She typed out something on her keyboard and told us to look at the screen and then the words popped up... "I'm a girl". :) A GIRL! I loved knowing that.

Then she began to measure everything and chart it all. After a little while she spoke softly to me and said that she was concerned with how the baby's femur was measuring. She told us that the limbs were measuring 4 weeks behind, which might indicate a form of dwarfism. I was emotional and somewhat shocked. Never had it crossed my mind that something like this might come up. I just don't think that way. Instantly though like a wave, God gave me peace. It was going to be alright no matter the outcome. My Dr. scheduled us an appointment for a Level 2 sonogram with a specialist. She warned me before we went that it's their job to give the facts and that they're very "doom and gloom". Even with that warning my heart wasn't prepared to hear the Dr. tell us that according to what he saw it looked like our baby has one of four conditions, two are considered to be fatal. WHAT?! Again because I don't think like that, I was shocked. It hadn't entered my mind that she might not live. Josh and I had about a week before this to process and be content with the challenge of possibly having a child with dwarfism. But now they were telling me she doesn't have a good chance of surviving. Somehow I still had God's peace. My mind was spinning but when you've experienced the "peace that passes understanding", it takes over. The Dr. told us we would have the option for termination. Again WHAT?!! We had just seen our active, whole baby girl on the screen and he asks us that?? Josh calmly told him that it would never be option for us and we would not even consider it and we were seeing this all the way through. Thank you God for a husband who gets it and YOU!

The next step was to decide if wanted to do the amniocentesis or not to better help determine what our baby's diagnosis was. After praying and talking to each other about it for a few days, I talked to my Dr. and talked to a nurse friend. We decided it was something we wanted to do. If there is even a small chance that she has something less severe and we can help her in any way... we want to be able to do that. The test was done last week and now we are awaiting the results.

I want to share with you what God has taught us so far and what He has done in my heart. First of all God is sovereign! He is in control. His plan is ALWAYS the best and better than we could imagine for ourselves. Even though we can't see the outcome, we know He is going to use this for good. And He already has! Our baby's days were numbered by God before He gave her life. I TRUST HIM COMPLETELY! Our goal in all of this now, is to step by step through this journey, to give our awesome God the glory. We pray that God sees our hearts and knows our desire to glorify Him.

Hope Isabella Reasons