Today is your FOURTH birthday! It was a great day celebrating you and all our wonderful memories of you.
Your brother Logan is two years old. When I found out I was pregnant with him, I had one sad thought, that he would never know who you are. Little did I know, Logan is much smarter than I anticipated and absolutely does know who you are. It makes my heart smile when he looks at a picture of you and says "Baby Hope!". He even sang "Happy Birthday" to you tonight when we visited your grave.
Sometimes I let myself wonder what it would have been like if you had lived. What it would it be like to have you as a four year old. I can't even picture it since you were so tiny! My thoughts never get too far because I'm reminded that you were not meant for this earth. I think about all that you were spared and how much you lived in those short two weeks. I'm still beyond grateful for all that I have learned and gained since we first found out your diagnosis. I'm not the same person I used to be! God has shown me characteristics of Himself I never would have seen otherwise. I have learned to trust Him with my whole heart. I've learned to let go and not hold onto earthly things (I still have to be reminded of this though..). Your dad and I have been doing foster care for six months now. I still have a hard time every time one of them leaves us. You leaving us was so hard and every time one of these children leaves it opens my emotions to remember what that felt like. It's hard, very hard. God is so gracious though to sustain me. He gently reminds me that He will equip me and that He is so very faithful. He tells me to REMEMBER. Remember what He has done. Remember how HE has brought us through. Remember that He gets the glory through us pointing to Christ through life and through death. Remember.
I love you baby girl. I miss you. Happy fourth birthday sweet baby Hope.