Weeks

I would have been 39 weeks pregnant today if Hope was still inside me. Hope would have been three weeks old if she was still with us. Instead, it has been one week since she passed away. It's been a long week and I really need to stop counting like this in my head.

I'm pretty tired emotionally but not too tired to continue to praise God. He sustains me and I am so grateful. It was wonderful to be at church again this morning and to worship with the body of Christ.

Thank you to all came to Hope's service. And to all of you who wanted to come but couldn't, thanks for the support. Again, God had His way and the service was perfect. Everything said by our dear pastor friend, John Crawford, seemed like it flowed straight from our hearts. Sweet Sara Osborne shared a beautiful promise found in Lamentations 3:21-24- This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him. Our kind friend Derek Dighton put hours into making a priceless video of our time with baby Hope. We have definitely used up all our favors for a long time! :) Our music pastor Bill Shiflett helped Josh and I record a song that we used during the video. The words were exactly what we felt in our hearts. Here are the lyrics: Joy Will Come by John Egan and Mia Fieldes

Joy will come in the morning
Riding on the wings of the dawn
I know
Joy will come after mourning
As surely as You are God

Joy will come believe
Joy will come joy will come

Joy will come like the harvest
Reaping for tears that we sow
I know
Joy will run to the farthest place
Surely as You are God

Joy will come believe
Joy will come joy will come

What is this hope I feel
It's helping
What is this peace beyond
Understanding
You fix the broken heart
There's healing in Your wings

What is this whisper small
I'm hearing
So far above it all
It's speaking
You're still the sovereign Lord
There's healing in Your wings

I am looking forward to things getting back to normal... whatever normal is! I know healing will take time but it helps knowing that God is still using her life to grow people's faith. I love hearing the stories about how God has used Hope's story to help people share with coworkers, neighbors or even unbelieving family members. The glory continues to go to God. :) Right now, one of the hardest parts for me is how quickly things will make me cry. I am so used to being steady, stable and emotionally consistent that it throws me for a loop when something like a onesie in the laundry, a song, silence, pictures or a memory will make me cry.

Josh is doing good. He is so strong and still tenderhearted. We have both sensed a stronger love for each other after going through this. Just another good thing that has come from this hard time! Taylor and Macy are incredible. They have just excepted the fact that Hope isn't here anymore. It's very simple to them. Baby Hope was here and now she's not. They understand she is a part of our family and we love her very much but that she wasn't able to stay with us. Macy talks about Hope on a daily basis still and I love that.

Hope Isabella Reasons from Derek on Vimeo.