Love

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I even have a headache like I did that night. My head is so full of thoughts, memories, conversations... My head hurts. :) For some reason, I won't let myself cry. Not today.

Any time I remember Hope, my thoughts are soon followed by thoughts of people who walked with us through the pregnancy and the two weeks of her life. I will never be able to express my full gratitude for all of those who loved on us and Hope. For the people who stood around us this night, two years ago. I can still see your faces as I looked around the room. The room was full. Full of love, sadness, grief, smiles, tears, encouragement and friends. It was full of friends. I can't imagine what it looked like from their perspective. I must have been a mess. But I felt so loved, so cared for. So tonight that's what I choose to dwell on... How incredible is the gift of friends. God in His goodness filled the room with people, faces that I can see even now. Thank you to my friends for being my friend. :) Thank you God for giving me these friends. Thank you God for my Hope.

Two

Happy 2nd Birthday baby girl! Mommy loves you and misses you so much that it hurts. You have forever changed my life but more importantly have drawn so many closer to the wonderful creator who made you. You are never far from my mind and often mentioned in our conversations. So many happy memories and moments. I can't thank God enough for your life and the way your story lives on. You will always be my sweet, baby Hope. 


Love, 
Your Mommy

Remembering

Today as I was washing dishes, I looked out the window in front of me that overlooks our deck in the back yard. I noticed a bird hopping around the porch and as I looked closer, I realized it was hopping around the tiniest, newborn bird I've ever seen. The baby bird was laying on our deck flapping it's barely there wings and chirping its' sad little cry for help. I went outside to get a better look. It must have fallen out of a nest nearby but I couldn't figure out from where. It looked like it could only be a few hours old and was in a serious struggle to survive. I was so torn because I've heard if you touch a baby bird its' mother will no longer have anything to do with it.. but it needed help! Thinking a little longer, I realized that I didn't even know how to care for a baby bird. So what good could I possibly do? (This story doesn't have a happy ending... sorry.) I went back inside hoping the mother bird would swoop in and save the day but she never came. I kept watching and slowly the baby bird stopped flapping it's wings and eventually stopped breathing. My heart was sad. :( It was a couple hours later when I was looking out the window again (it's not something I do all day, I promise!) when I thought about my sweet baby Hope. Thinking about Hope is something I do VERY often but it's most often the sweet, joyful moments that I replay. Today I remembered what it felt like to hold my baby in my arms as she breathed her last breath. Yet still, mingled in with the sadness I felt, all I could think was how grateful I am that God gave me that moment. I'm not sure what I would have felt if someone else had been holding her at that time or if she just been laying in the bassinet. Even in that moment God was caring for me. He is so constant. With all my ups and downs, emotions and questions, He is steady, sure, faithful and secure. I cannot keep it to myself! How selfish would I be if I did not share with those who are hurting that there is hope? God alone is enough to sustain even through the toughest of heartaches. 

So... God can use even the tiniest of birds to take my heart on a journey that leads me straight to Him. 

Psalm 139:1-18

You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. 

You know when I sit and when I rise; 

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 

You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways. 

 

Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely. 

 

You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 

    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

 

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

 

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 

even there your hand will guide me, 

    your right hand will hold me fast.

 

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; 

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful, 

    I know that full well.

 

My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

 

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

 

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! 

    How vast is the sum of them!

 

Were I to count them, 

    they would outnumber the grains of sand —

    when I awake, I am still with you.

Growing

Summer is here! I love the "non-structered" feel of summer. It fits my personality so well. :) We're filling our time with playing in the sprinklers, baking, getting to know our neighbors, browsing garage sales, and spending time with family and friends. Taylor is 5 1/2 and preparing for Kindergarten in the fall. Macy turned 4 in May and Logan is 5 Months old today! The kids are a blast and such a joy.

God is still graciously teaching me about Himself and growing me. Through Hope's life and death, I experienced first hand what it means to suffer and how to glorify God through challenging and heartbreaking circumstances. BUT I am still learning and sometimes I fail. Now God is teaching me through others as I see them go through issues. People are always wondering "why?" I am so glad to know that suffering is not without a purpose. Suffering is not easy but it is so worth it. Back in April we attended a simulcast for Secret Church that was titled "The Cross and Suffering". I have been wanting to share some of the incredible truths that stuck out to me. It's crucial that as we suffer (because we all will at some point!) that we have a deep understanding of who God is. Even though I already knew that my suffering was for a purpose here are some points that put it into words for me, it's worth it:

• To experience the sufficiency of Christ in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
• To share the sufferings of Christ on this earth. (Philippians 3:10-11)
• To show the supremacy of Christ to all nations. (Matthew 24:9-14)
• To experience the satisfaction of Christ for all eternity. 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18- So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to things that are seen but to things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

I love that!! Isn't that so great? It puts our focus off of ourselves and any temporary trials we may have and onto eternity. Here is a quote that stuck out to me as well "Do we find God useful for our circumstances, or do we find Him glorious regardless of circumstances?" 

My confidence in God's goodness and love has grown tremendously since August 1, 2010. We have been through so much change and through it all God has been faithful. There is more change to come....


I am bursting with excitement that God is leading Josh and I to fulfill something that has been on our hearts since we got married. We are prayerfully and joyfully beginning the adoption process! Again God is leading me through a journey where I must fully rely on Him and find Him sufficient. We are excited to see how God is going to add to our family and pray that HE will be glorified above all! I will update you soon. :)

Changes

Where do I start...

I haven't blogged for months! Not because I haven't wanted to or because I've had nothing to write but just because...

I have written MANY blog posts in my head haha, but they've never actually made it to the blog. I know some of you can relate. So here I go, an attempt to catch you up on our life. :)

Many changes have come our way. Some hard, some easy but all good. Actually, I would say pretty much every part of our lives have changed since I last wrote! Our family has grown- we now have baby Logan to love on. Logan Daniel Reasons was born on January 11th, 2012. He weighed in at 8 lbs. and 2 oz. and was 19 inches of sweetness.

Of course being at the same hospital where we delivered and spent our first couple of days with Hope, brought back many incredible memories. Not to mention that we had some of the same nurses (Leah and Kristin- love them!), and the same room... can you believe that?! I actually got a little teary when we got checked into our delivery room and I saw the room number. God was gracious though to give me a birthing experience with Logan that was all it's own. It will have it's own memories and beautiful moments. The part that saddens me though is that Hope now has a sibling that won't know her. She is still such a big part of our lives and Taylor and Macy talk about her so much still. So I know that Logan will know of her through our pictures, stories and conversations. I have lost count of how many times Macy has asked me if we get to keep Logan. Kinda breaks my heart. I never make promises but tell her that just like with Hope's life, we trust God and His plan.

Another major change for us has been where we go to church. After 9 years of living, loving and serving with friends and family at Lenexa Baptist Church we followed God's calling to be a part of a new church plant. The church plant is here where we live in Overland Park. It was more of an adjustment than I anticipated but God is honoring our obedience to Him. Josh and I are being stretched and challenged in new ways and are very excited to be a part of the gospel centered Cross Fellowship Church. http://www.brookhills.org/global/church_planting/kansas_city/index.html

The last BIG change for our family is where we live! We put our house on the market and it sold in 11 days. Wow! Then through circumstances that reminded us that God is in control, we were able to buy another house that gives us room to grow. :) I love this house! There is alot of work and updating to be done but I have a super handy husband who can handle it and will actually enjoy it.

Home Sweet Home

I was just reminded last week of something important, so I will leave you with this, it's how I want to live my life-

Don't take life for granted! Use EVERY day, situation, circumstance, hardship, joy, achievement, and failure for the glory of Christ and the advancement of His life changing gospel. Love you all!

Jamie